[TOP] ghost

i think i don't care any more,
and i think you don't mind -
because you never speak to me,
and you're nowhere i can find.
it was all only just a game,
a plan i'd formed in my head -
i meant for you to leave me
and i planned that i'd be dead.
i know you were the pawn,
i know because i was the queen -
making sure you would betray me,
and making sure i'd bleed.
so now i have to let you go,
set you free from your task -
you made me cry, just like that,
you killed me, just like i asked.
[TOP] church bells and laughter

it's all so joyous
and i feel so free,
i'm glad and i'm happy -
it's great you don't speak to me.
i'm loving life
and i love the world,
i'm so warm
and i love that you're so cold.
i've a new found energy
and you're full of sin,
i eagerly kiss you once again
as you lie there in your coffin.

[TOP] green stone

like lust in the church
it was then forbidden,
it poised, ready to reveal all it had hidden.
and its petals opened
and its thoughts revealed,
for a life-time they had forever been sealed.
coming to the light
from the blunders within,
but nothing will eradicate its grievous sin.
dark and ugly,
a spawn of black,
alarmed the people, had taken aback.
high and mighty and
larger than could be,
a rotten apple from the cold and burnt tree.
something atrocious,
something so grey,
i had wished not for it to stay.
exposed for all to see,
then pulled from view -
it's the last time i saw the likes of you.
[TOP] exhausting despair

and when i die, i'll cry sweet tears.
i'll eat strawberries in cotton fields.
i'll hear the silence i once spoke,
and then bury happiness treasures.

and when i die, i'll breathe the salt.
i'll touch the mind of wind.
i'll see in the darkness of underworlds,
and then i'll do away with sin.

and when i die, i'll know myself.
i'll be free to sing what i want.
i'll give the gift of dark and death,
and then i'll abolish all hope.

and when i die, i will be dead.
i'll rot away down there.
unable to sing or taste or feel,
and then all my pain will disappear.

sedative tears lull me to sleep
here i lay, a worthless heap
as my sanity leaves thru skin pores
sadness tears open half-healed sores
depression sweeps away the pain
but torture takes the reins again
once strong walls, now black ash
time to smoke a bag of hash
thumping brain and desert mouth
love once had has moved on out
as dark shadows move about
try as i might, i cannot shout
my senses amiss, and losing my grip
lost my feeling on an evil trip
fell over my corpse
and in pieces i crashed
i am a blind turtle, rolling smashed.

the title, BTRS ("blind turtle rolling smashed"), acquired with the help and amazing minds of john and lisa.

[TOP] long

it's time to write
i feel a need
but nothing comes to mind

what is my creed,
what do i seek,
what is it i will find?

shallow footsteps, they send
bad news from afar,
but i do not cry,

could love be the end,
shining bright in my eye,
or do i need to die?

oh such sadness
oh such grief
but then there's sweet relief

what am i saying,
what do i mean?
an evil spark in my eye gleams

from shadow beneath
the truth revealed
no more pleasantries today

for good is conquered
and happiness too,
and i will never stop the slay

and i have won
and you left me - good,
i do not care, i am not sane.
[TOP] sunset turmoil

today i am free
and tomorrow too
i feel the sun go down

i smell the sea
the ground is soft
bouncing under my heel

the sun is setting
the clouds are red
and the water is getting cool

i lay on my back
and sense the sky
i'm as happy as a fool

and i am reminded
about that girl
for which awesome love i feel.

the one that never loved me back
and that's a fact.