1996


 

[TOP] death

once you tear the paper,
there is no turning back.
once you crack the wood,
it is not so strong.
once you break the soul,
death is soon to come.
[TOP] life

is there someone who will love me,
or shall i be hated?
is there anyone living alone,
or were we once related?
is there a point to laughing,
or should i just cry?
is there a reason for living,
or should i just die?
[TOP] dream

when i dream,
i am the greatest.
when i dream,
i am the bestest.
when i dream,
i can do anything.
when i dream,
i do everything.
when i dream,
i see all.
when i dream,
i can love everyone.
when i dream,
i can hate anyone.
but when i wake,
this world does take,
what is precious to me.
[TOP] non existent

you know i love you,
though i may not show it.
you see me living,
though i do not know it.
you hear me speak,
though i represent nothing.
you feel me here,
though i am really gone.
[TOP] killing

accepting me,
gives you life.
following me,
makes you sick.
opposing me,
you will heal.
killing me,
will kill you.
[TOP] war

only in war can we love,
only in war do we hate.
only in war can we forgive,
only in war do we condemn.
only in war can we see the good,
only in war do we do the worse.
only in war can we conserve,
only in war do we waste.
waste the life of the world
and all of it's nature.
[TOP] untitled

there's something in this world,
that everyone can see
but can't change.
something unreal,
but quite inevitable.
it is the unknown
but also the expected.
no one has ever seen past it.
no one has been able to change it.
no one has made it real.
no one has diverted around it.
no one knows what it is.
no one can not expect it.
this... thing.
that fills some with courage
and others with dread.
this... natural thing,
that no science can explain
and no god will change.
it is but one thing...
[TOP] believe

i am not alive.
i do not breathe,
my heart does not beat,
and you do not see me.
i am the wind,
that blows through your hair.
i am the waves,
that slap your feet.
i am the water,
that you drink.
i am the sun,
that burns for you.
i am the god,
that you worship.
i am not to be feared,
for i am what gives you life.
[TOP] loss

laugh if you want, but i will not.
seek if you must, what i seek not.
live if you shall, for i care not.
die if you will, but i die not.
[TOP] thoughts

thinking of life,
i face death.
thinking of love,
i cope with hate.
thinking of speech,
i can only hear.
thinking of courage,
i am filled with fear.
thinking of the sky,
i can only walk.
thinking of space,
i am confined.
thinking of you,
i am satisfied.
[TOP] dilemma

do not show your hate,
and you must hide your love.
do not run away,
but you can not stay here.
do not speak to me,
however you must confide.
do not die alone,
only you're buried to one side.
[TOP] the purgatory of one's own mind

i am scared.
this room has me trapped.
i am frightened.
there is no way out.
i bang on the wall.
there are no doors or windows.
i scream loudly.
my voice echoes, confined within me.
i sit still.
hoping someone will come for me.
i am alert.
was that noise a friend here to help?
i want to leave.
but this is my home now.
i fall asleep.
only to have to wake again, still here.
[TOP] simple complexity

the sun dips below the horizon,
and the moon disappears beyond the trees.
life discontinues to vibrate through the air.
undying is the facelessness of the dark beasts
as they roam my mind in search for truth.
day by day,
as the years get longer and longer.
a third of life,
spent in this mythical world.
unable to determine fact from fiction,
dream and reality, right from wrong.
forever, will i feel the ugly depths
of my own sub-conscience.
[TOP] survival

time ticks by,
my fate is sealed by the whisper of the breeze.
the constant traps of life come all at once.
hope is farther, farther away
than i can ever reach.
my goals and aspirations,
never to be completed
because the sea's waves have stopped forming.
the prey have become extinct,
the predators have died and decayed.
i do not know what lies ahead of me.
i do not know where i should go now.
i do not know how i will survive,
but i will not survive.
i will not become extinct,
or decay, or fade away like the breeze.
close by i see a dark space.
close by i see hate and death.
close by i see myself.
i am dark and hateful
why? why is that so?
i hate not people,
i hate not myself...
it is life i hate.
i am the evil
within myself
that i fight.
i am the evil
that i will never
win against.
i am the evil,
the only evil
that feels remorse,
that feels shame,
that feels sympathy,
that feels.
i am the good evil
everyone flocks to.
do they not fear me?
i growl at them,
they do not retreat.
why do i fear them?
they have become my hope.
they have become my life.
they are what i live for.
they have dominated my mind.
they are who i admire.
they know
what lies ahead of them.
they know
where they should go now.
they know
how they will survive,
and they will survive.
all i can do
is watch them live.
watch them be happy.
[TOP] let me live

give me wings,
and i will fly.
teach me love,
and i will seek it.
lend me a book,
and i will read.
speak to me,
and i will understand.
allow me to rise,
and i will walk.
keep me in darkness,
and i will find the light.
show me fire,
and i will burn.
let me live,
and i will die.
[TOP] individual

people will say things,
that they don't really mean.
they will do things,
that they will soon regret.
they will think things,
that they will not voice out.
they will see things,
that they don't want to see.
they have always known,
that they will have to die.
...i won't
[TOP] awe

as i lie here,
in my territory,
i think of the world.
i think of it's greatness.
of it's immensity.
of it's importance.
i compare it
with my own greatness.
my own immensity.
my own importance.
and i realise,
how little i really am.
[TOP] the windows of life

to relax i often meditate
and take myself to places in my mind.
i usually find myself in an endless wooden corridor
i cannot walk straight through it,
as it has obstacles.
there may be a door that i have to open,
or a window that i may have to climb through.
everything i pass seems to have its own feel to it.
this door feels guilt,
this one feels depressed,
yet another feels failure.
some windows feel happiness,
others feel satisfaction,
while those left feel love.
my life is a constant effort
of opening these doors
and through some windows i will climb,
but most windows are beyond my reach,
and i will never fully experience
their compassion.
[TOP]